Tanks for the Memories
by katbybee
Summary: Written for the 2017 Short Story Speedwriting Challenge. Carter buys Hogan a rather unusual birthday gift…Written Prompt: "Please don't scare me more than is absolutely necessary." Photoprompts # 12 & #14. Usual useless disclaimers apply.


"Carter did what?"

"I am not kidding. He said he bought it for the colonel for his birthday." Kinch held up his fingers in a Boy Scout salute.

"He's barmy! What the bloody hell is the colonel gonna do with somethin' like that in a bleedin' prison camp?"

"Don't ask me, ask him! He just told me that when he was in the Kraut Army and borrowed that tank, Col. Hogan told him our missions would go a lot smoother if we had our own tank. So, Carter dressed up like a Kraut officer, went to a German military auction and bought an old tank they were gonna junk. It doesn't make a lick of sense to me, either. Sounds like something out of _Alice in Wonderland_ if you ask me."

"Alice in what?" Peter looked at Kinch as if _he_ were a bit barmy.

" _Alice in Wonderland_ , man! You know, _Through the Looking Glass_ …"

Peter stared at him blankly.

Kinch sighed. "Never mind. So, what are we gonna do about Carter and his pet tank?"

Newkirk smirked. "Well, I suppose the first thing you had better do is warn the colonel about it."

Kinch grimaced. "Yeah, I guess so. I am definitely not looking forward to this conversation."

Newkirk grinned. "I think I'll go look up me ol' mate." He started forward, then stopped abruptly, and looked back at Kinch. "Cor, I hope he don't get it into his head to gift-wrap the thing!" Kinch burst out laughing as he went in search of his commanding officer.

~HH~

Hogan stared blankly at his second in command. He wasn't sure he had heard correctly. "He bought a _what_?"

Kinch nodded, still unable to believe himself. "A tank, sir. And he has it hidden someplace nearby."

" **Please, don't scare me more than is absolutely necessary.** You're serious, aren't you?"

Kinch nodded gravely. "He bought for your birthday. Said you wanted one for the operation."

Hogan shut his eyes momentarily as he ran his hand through his hair. He vividly remembered the conversation with his youngest team member. And apparently, Andrew had remembered it, as well.

But he had only been kidding…and Carter had taken him seriously. And apparently, he was about to become the proud owner of—a tank. He stared at the ceiling for a moment. _How the hell did he get into these situations?_

Kinch laughed, knowing exactly what Hogan was thinking. One thing you could say for Carter. You could count on him to do the unpredictable. Which tended to keep life very interesting.

~HH~

Carter was sitting on the bench outside the barracks sunning himself. Newkirk plopped down next to him, and lit a cigarette. Without opening his eyes, Andrew reached out, and Peter handed him the smoke. He took a puff and handed it back. They sat and smoked in companionable silence for a few minutes. Finally, Newkirk spoke. "So, I hear you bought Col. Hogan a birthday present."

Andrew slanted his eyes towards his friend. "Who told you?"

Newkirk sighed. "Sort of hard to keep a tank a secret, mate. Where is it?"

Carter grinned excitedly. "I got it hidden in a cave just outside of camp. I'm gonna go get it tonight and sneak it into camp."

Newkirk cocked an eyebrow at him. "Excuse me? Sneak a tank into the middle of Stalag 13? Are you daft, mate?"

"You did it!" Andrew was indignant.

Peter rolled his eyes. "That was a mission, and we planned it out carefully. And I sure as hell did not sneak in. Every bloody Kraut in camp knew I was here…or at least that the tank was here! In case you hadn't noticed, the Krauts didn't provide us with a carpark for our own tank!

Andrew scowled. He really had thought the team could use their own tank. _They had begun stockpiling munitions in a cave outside camp, so why not a tank? They had the uniforms to go with it. It could work. He knew it could._

Just then, Kinch leaned out the door. "Hey, Carter, the colonel wants a word. His office."

Carter nodded, frowning slightly. _Now what?_

~HH~

Hogan could tell by Carter's expression he already had a pretty good idea what Hogan wanted to talk about. He sighed. "I suppose you've been talking to Newkirk, hmmm?"

"Yessir. He said we can't keep it." Hogan smirked slightly. Carter sounded for all the world as if he were talking about a stray puppy.

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I wish we could, but there's no way to safely get it into camp, or keep it here. Besides, if the Germans discover it, it could blow the whole operation. I mean, how would we explain it?"

Andrew nodded. "I get it, sir. I'm sorry."

Hogan had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. "No harm done. Any chance you could just take it back where you got it and get your money back?"

Carter shook his head. "No, sir. The auctioneer was real clear about that. All sales final."

Hogan chuckled. "I'll bet." He thought a moment. "Okay, look, why don't you go out tonight after rollcall and talk to Schnitzer. You could show him the merchandise, and he could pass the word along."

"You're sure we can't keep it, sir?"

Hogan gave him a look. "Carter!"

"Yessir." As he headed down to the tunnel to prepare for his evening mission, Hogan went to see Kinch. He had a message for Schnitzer.

~HH~

Carter dropped into the tunnel. The others were waiting for him. They headed up the ladder, and into Hogan's office.

Hogan said, "Well, did you find a buyer?"

Carter nodded. "I did. I sold it to Oskar Schnitzer."

"What?" Everyone spoke at once. The men were incredulous.

"Yep. I asked him to pass the word to the resistance, and he said he always wanted one. I helped him hide it in his old barn. Nobody ever goes out there anyway. If anybody gives him trouble, I rigged it so he could destroy the whole thing."

Newkirk cocked his head as they all looked at Andrew quizzically. "What the bloody hell would ol' Schnitzer want with a German tank?"

Carter shrugged. "Got no idea. He didn't say." He started to turn away, and then looked back, a bit sadly. "Gee, Colonel, your birthday is tomorrow, and now I don't have time to get you a present."

"It's okay, Carter. It's the thought that counts."

He nodded dejectedly. "Yessir. I guess it was a kind of dumb idea, anyway."

With that, he turned and headed out the door, head hanging slightly.

LeBeau stared off after Carter as Newkirk turned to Hogan. "Blimey, Guv! Now want?"

Hogan scratched his head and then looked at the rest of his team and sighed. "Well, I guess now I go see Schnitzer."

Kinch looked at him. "What for, sir?"

"Well, I'm gonna see if he'll give Andrew his money back, and then I'm gonna ask him if we can rent his old barn. Newkirk, go get Carter. Kinch, get ahold of Schnitzer."

The rest of the men smiled. It would be a good birthday after all.

~The End~


End file.
